Kindness of strangers

Tonight I purchased a bevy of drugs at the local Walgreens. While waiting for the amoxicillin, I had time to read through labels for the accompanying nasal spray and Mucinex. The former prompted a lengthy consideration of how much squeezing constitutes a single "spray" from the bottle and the latter got me wondering if the name is just exact enough to be perfect or too gross to be effective.

"Have you ever taken that before?" piped up the only other customer in the waiting area, gesturing to the Mucinex box.

"Nope, first time."

"Well, it makes your urine smell just awful! I just don't know what they put in there." she continued, looking surprisingly young and normal to be discussing body fluids with a stranger.

"Thanks for the tip. Good to know, I guess."

Bus Tales

At Anne's suggestion, I submitted a story to a relatively new website called Bus Tales. In the vein of Overheard in Minneapolis, it's a place where people can post about experiences they've had on Metro Transit buses.

Most of you have heard this story before, but if you want to see it up in lights, you can check it out: Do You Know Her? It's worth it just to see how great the labels are for my post.

I submitted another story and have a few more planned, so stay tuned.

Elevator trauma and other stories

Riding the elevator is the most traumatic part of my job for two reasons:

First, while most of the budget folks work with agencies safely ensconced in other buildings, my agencies are largely housed in our same building. This means I cannot park my car, ride the elevator, or go to the cafeteria without awkward conversations. If I decide to wear jeans on Friday? Of course I run into commissioners from my agencies. But the elevator encounters are definitely the worst--because there is no escape.

Second, our building is full of stalkerish creepy guys who enjoy the twenty-something budget ladies. And they seem to spend a lot of time in the elevators. Case in point: we were enjoying a rare lunch in the first floor cafeteria, when one of the ladies spotted a creepy stranger from another agency who had struck up an elevator conversation with her a few weeks prior.

Creepy stranger: Hi, how are you doing?

Budget lady: Uh, fine.

Stranger: So, how do you like working here?

Budget lady, wondering how he knows where "here" is: Uh, fine. How do you like it?

Stranger: Well, I like it okay but I've been here six years already. You've only been here about two years, right?

Budget lady, now thoroughly creeped out: Yup.

Stranger: That must mean you're leaving soon--the young women around here usually leave after a year or two.

Budget lady: Oh, look, there's my floor.

A few days later they shared another awkward elevator conversation, at which time she pointedly brought up her long-term boyfriend. Almost that same day, I had the following exchange in the elevator:

Creepy stranger: Hi, did you get Lasik surgery?

Me: Uh, no. I'm just wearing contacts.

What I really wanted to say was, "So YOU must be the creepy guy that tracks our movements!" But since his name badge indicated he works for one of my agencies, alas, I did not.

In related news, overly friendly IT guy stopped me in the hall today to say, "Curly! I like it!" in reference to my new hairdo. It was uncomfortable, and I'm pretty sure I heard two other budget ladies snickering about it in a nearby cube afterward.

Did I mention crazy people seek me out?

I visited the dumpster room this weekend--that dank, creepy place where trash chutes end and monsters go to die. As usual, I left the door wide open to the underground parking area beyond, just in case a dying monster decided to get smart with me. While I was breaking down a cardboard box, a car stopped in front of the door and a scraggly dude emerged.

Scraggly: "IS THERE A SMALLER BOX THAT WOULD FIT A BABY ALBINO SQUIRREL?"

Me: (rapid blinking, stunned silence)

Scraggly: "Here, hold this lid for me."

Without waiting for an answer, he dove head-first into the cardboard dumpster. I just managed to grab the lid before it crashed down on his ass (now at eye-level). After some rooting around, he climbed back out with a triumphant grin and a smallish white box. He chattered excitedly as he jumped in his car, but over the noise of the engine I could only make out snippets:

"...it got run over...right there in the middle of the road..."

"...wouldn't 'ave stopped for just any squirrel, but those albinos are like one in a thousand..."

"...think the Asians were having a funeral..."

"...can't remember if those are the good luck ones or the bad luck ones..."

"...anyway, they're just really special, you know..."

Since the only other exit was up the trash chute, I just stared back until he finally drove away. Overall I'd rate Scraggly as creepier than the guy on the No. 16 bus who repeatedly yelled, "Have you ever seen the blaspheming baby-rapist-whore of Minnesota?" and less creepy than the guy who tried to corner me in the tampon aisle at Cub.

Crazy people seek me out

As requested by Anne, the weirdest email I received at a previous job. The Americorps supervisor had given a prospective member my contact information so he could ask questions about the program. I spoke with him briefly on the phone (which was also uncomfortable) and then he followed up with this email (I believe after he had already decided not to take the position). By the way, the supervisor was mortified and subsequently ended the practice of giving out current members' contact information.

Hey,
how are u doing?

I'm the guy that asked about Americorp, specifically how to survive on a very little amount of money.

Do you remember me?

I'm pretty good, but am tired.

I was wondering if you want to get together for coffee and chat, or do you want to go out to lunch or see a movie?

So, how old are u and where are u from?

I'm 29, from St.. Paul.

I graduated from Metropolitan State University, with a major in human services/family studies, and a minor in child psychology.

Well, I gotta go for now, so God bless you!!!

~ Mike :o)

I want to get to know u better, so please answer these questions.

Thanks and God bless you!

~ Mike :o)

> What is your favorite...
>
> Color?

Mine is blue.

> Season?

Mine is spring and summer.

> Holiday?

> mine is Christmas
>
> Activity to do?

> mine is being outdoors, enjoying God's creation!
Also, I like to paint landspaces with oil, acrylic, and watercolor.

> Feeling?

> mine is being loved!
>
> Dog (or cat)?

>> mine is schnauser (spelling ?)

> Movie or type of movie?

> mine is romance, comedy, and drama.
>
> Scripture passage?

> mine is Issiah where it says that those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength...

> Person or role model?

> mine is my mom, 'cause she's a wonderful woman, and I love her so much!!!

> Music?

> mine is classical, jazz, big band, praise and worship.
>
> Way to relax?

> mine is being in my sweatpants and t-shirt and watching a good show on TV.

Well,
that's all for now, so God bless u!

~ Mike :o)