You know who you are

To Saint Paul Saints fans: Energy Park Drive is a road. That people drive on. To get places. Quickly. It may seem like a parking lot, but I assure you it is not. If you are not moving forward, you should not be in the driving lane. Period. This is your official warning. The next time one of you slows to a stop to give adequate consideration to "Charity Park - $6" versus "Cheapest Saints Parking!!! - $5" I swear I will lay on that horn so hard you won't know what hit you.

To the creepy young guys in the hot tub at the Little Canada Bally's Total Fitness: You are not cool. No, I'm serious, you're not cool at all. Just because the hot tub has floor to ceiling windows overlooking the lobby does not mean you should sit there and ogle the women entering the club in their skin-tight workout gear. The old dudes get a pass because they have no chance with these women--all they have left is the ogling. But you, Mr. Twenty- or Thirty-Something Moderately Fit Guy With Questionable Judgment, you still have a semblance of a chance to get laid by one of these glistening beauties. Don't blow it with the ogling.

What are you telling me?

Yesterday I was dashing through Rainbow Foods for milk and hamburger buns when the end cap of the chip aisle caught my eye. (Not the end cap that's actually outside the aisle, but the one right near the end of the aisle where they rotate in and out things that are somewhat related to the contents of the aisle). Instead of the usual dips, candies, or similarly complementary items, the end cap featured...control top panty hose.

Also, a mini-rant: I made the mistake of going to trivia at Brit's Pub tonight. It was completely packed to the point of insanity, we couldn't understand a word spoken by the Brit with the crappy sound system, and then it took me 40 MINUTES to get home because of the f'ing Twinkies traffic--causing me to miss Top Chef. I think that's it for me and trivia.

Clockwork

For those of you keeping score at home, I charged plane tickets to Boston and the second Barbados payment on my WF credit card this week. Which of course prompted a call from the monotone computer voice asking me to verify charges. I should be glad they're protecting me from identity theft, but really it just feels like Big Brother has declared travel illegal.

W(t)F

As most of you know, I loathe Wells Fargo. I bank there, because it's the only one that allows me to do all my transactions at SuperAmerica ATMs. Other than this unbeatable convenience, WF is evil. They have caused me all manner of problems--too numerous to count, really. Raising the minimum balance without notice then charging ridiculous fees, having an annoying computer call to verify charges every time I buy a plane ticket and blocking the transaction altogether if I buy from nwa.com, plus all the horrors of the phone bank. I realize it's my own damn fault for not changing banks, but I want to complain anyway.

Oh, and to top it off they're pretty much the number one predatory lender in America. (Plus they're snapping up yummy subprime mortgages at low rates as the less successful subprime lenders go under.)

But this is my favorite. Today I got a letter saying they have put a recent deposit on hold because: (1) doubt as to whether the check will be paid by the institution on which it is drawn, (2) length of time the account has been open, or (3) frequency of overdrafts or returned checks on the account. Yeah, so this check is drawn on the State of Minnesota (I can personally vouch for the fact that MN is good for it), deposited to a savings account opened in the early 90's, from which there have been (by dint of being a savings account) a total of zero overdrafts and returned checks.

Good work, team.