I keep telling myself it will get better soon.

So Paul makes fun of me for having my radio alarm set to MPR news. Yes, I awake to the smooth voice of Cathy Wurzer. Geeky banter with Paul Huttner the meteorologist and all. It's hilarious to him. He won't listen to my explanations.

HEY PAUL HERE'S WHY: for about 7 months of the year, it's a preview of my workday. Like today, when it reminded me about the state of the state address (we always have Savoy's pizza while we watch so I didn't have to pack a lunch) and Tuesday, when I awoke to "...state finance officials will issue a report Thursday on spending from the 35W bridge collapse victim compensation fund..." and realized I am one of only three people who might be issuing such a report and it certainly wasn't on my to-do list this week. (Crisis averted: I sent an email around when I got to work, and luckily one of the other two people had read a similar statement in the Pioneer Press over the weekend and had initiated said report. He squeaked it in under the wire today. That's about how it's going these days.)

I rest my case. It's not just hopeless nerd-dom (but I might qualify for other reasons).

Random useless information about my life

If you've been listening to me complain about how swamped I am at work. you'll be happy to know I got nearly caught up today. It was mostly because not a single agency called me all day. Not one. I actually thought the IP phones were down again (an almost weekly occurrence) but they weren't! A few more days like this and I might be able to start taking occasional lunch breaks again.

I love Redbox, the machine that rents movies at McDonald's. Crazy John said it was the best thing ever, and I finally tried it. It had a surprising array of movies for $1 per night, and it will send you polite emails letting you know when you have rented and returned a movie.

I had a baby spinach salad for dinner tonight. This wouldn't have been exciting, except that the cats discovered their intense love for baby spinach. They kept trying to run off with the spinach leaves. I would have taken a picture except I was worried about the puking that would follow if I let them actually ingest a leaf.

Oh, and a nice young man called from the U tonight to thank me for my recent donation (to the scholarship fund that paid a portion of my master's). I enjoy good strategy--and that was excellent strategy. I will totally give to the U again soon. Macalester could learn a thing or two.

All for naught

In case you're wondering what I've been up to (there are also a whole bunch of bloggers who will provide more excruciating detail). I guess there is still a shred of hope, albeit a small one. On the bright side, a total breakdown in negotiations might free up my weekend considerably.

Oh, here's a funny session moment I forgot to post a long time ago.

And finally, I find the public discussion on the Governor's "sex joke" to be really entertaining. According to the Strib, "speculation is rife whether Pawlenty's wisecrack about his sex life was a gaffe or a calculated political move." A calculated political move? Really? I mean, really? I propose we channel all the energy spent on useless and absurd punditry into something more productive, like ending world hunger or building capacity for rapid disaster response in Asia.

(and yes, Jim, this post is mostly for you)

Elevator trauma and other stories

Riding the elevator is the most traumatic part of my job for two reasons:

First, while most of the budget folks work with agencies safely ensconced in other buildings, my agencies are largely housed in our same building. This means I cannot park my car, ride the elevator, or go to the cafeteria without awkward conversations. If I decide to wear jeans on Friday? Of course I run into commissioners from my agencies. But the elevator encounters are definitely the worst--because there is no escape.

Second, our building is full of stalkerish creepy guys who enjoy the twenty-something budget ladies. And they seem to spend a lot of time in the elevators. Case in point: we were enjoying a rare lunch in the first floor cafeteria, when one of the ladies spotted a creepy stranger from another agency who had struck up an elevator conversation with her a few weeks prior.

Creepy stranger: Hi, how are you doing?

Budget lady: Uh, fine.

Stranger: So, how do you like working here?

Budget lady, wondering how he knows where "here" is: Uh, fine. How do you like it?

Stranger: Well, I like it okay but I've been here six years already. You've only been here about two years, right?

Budget lady, now thoroughly creeped out: Yup.

Stranger: That must mean you're leaving soon--the young women around here usually leave after a year or two.

Budget lady: Oh, look, there's my floor.

A few days later they shared another awkward elevator conversation, at which time she pointedly brought up her long-term boyfriend. Almost that same day, I had the following exchange in the elevator:

Creepy stranger: Hi, did you get Lasik surgery?

Me: Uh, no. I'm just wearing contacts.

What I really wanted to say was, "So YOU must be the creepy guy that tracks our movements!" But since his name badge indicated he works for one of my agencies, alas, I did not.

In related news, overly friendly IT guy stopped me in the hall today to say, "Curly! I like it!" in reference to my new hairdo. It was uncomfortable, and I'm pretty sure I heard two other budget ladies snickering about it in a nearby cube afterward.

Deal or no deal

While we were enjoying our daily dose of deal or no deal, a colleague recalled a fitting quotation:

Good leadership is the ability to disappoint one's followers at a rate they can absorb.

I did a little googling but could not find the source. Much appreciation to anyone who can locate the actual quotation.

Open letter

Dear Teamsters,

Thank you very much for the free lunch on the capitol lawn yesterday. The bratwurst and cake were delicious, and I learned a lot about the potential economic benefits of the proposed construction materials sales tax exemption for the Mall of America expansion.

Sincerely,
Abigail Emerson

Not my job

Few people really understand what I do for a living. But the sender of this email wins:

I didn't know who to contact regarding this question. As a state employee, do I qualify for a discounted price on an Apple computer? If you aren't the person who deals with this, could you please let me know whom to contact? Thank you.

What boggles my mind is how she got my email address in the first place. To connect my name with technology takes about 8 clicks and a good bit of scrolling on our website (and on the way it should become obvious that's not what we do). I tried some logical Google searches and none yielded my name. Lucky for her, finding answers to obscure questions is part of my job, so I passed her on to the right people. But for those of you who are keeping track, my job has nothing to do with the subject of this email.

While on the topic of technology, I would like to promote some great shareware called CutePDF. After a quick, free download you can print to PDF from pretty much any word or data processing program. The output is a tad bit fuzzier than what you get from Adobe, but the price is right. It's the only shareware our IT folks let us use--so it must be the IT equivalent of kosher.

Week in pictures

On Monday, my colon had a photo shoot.








Over the next 2 days, I spent approximately 30 hours at work--mostly in the middle of the night and mostly sitting in this room.





Today the governor signed one of my bills, while vowing to veto the other.



Just now, Jackson puked up a stomach-full of kibble and then stood there looking rather proud of himself. I'll leave that one to your imagination.

Poop stories

In honor of my colonoscopy on Monday, I will share today's crop of poop stories.

(1) Several people brought their children to work today. It's a good time to visit budgetland because there's all sorts of interesting stuff going on. One little girl (4ish?) got to accompany her dad to a briefing at the governor's office for one of his policy advisers. For most of the meeting she colored quietly in the corner, but shortly before the end she started whispering, "psst....Daddy!" Each time, he asked her to wait quietly just a few more minutes. Undaunted, she eventually shouted as loud as she could, "But Daddy, I have to POOP right now!" She had good timing, though, because on the way out they ran into the governor and took a picture with him.

(2) While walking into Walgreens this afternoon to purchase NuLYTELY (nasty liquid that empties your intestines), I saw a bumper sticker that read, "I'm driving fast because I have to POOP!" I am not shitting you (hah!)--and I immediately thought how appropriate that sticker would be for several of my friends.

(3) And finally, today's Strib has a front page story titled, "Restroom law would help open the doors in a hurry." While I was watching the House floor debate on the smoking ban, apparently the Senate was working to ensure that bowel disease sufferers have guaranteed access to employee-only bathrooms. Thanks, guys--two bills in one day that would dramatically improve my quality of life. That might make up for stealing my evenings and weekends...or not.

Tell me all about it

I swear there's one of those electronic billboards on my forehead. For women it says, "Tell me all about it, I care." For men it it scrolls to, "If you're a little bit odd, and tend to strike out with the ladies, then give me a shot."

Two examples from this week:

(1) I took my car in for an oil change at the usual place, where the two managers are always very good to me and like to chat me up. It must have been a long week or something, because they were even friendlier than usual. The senior manager (male) basically asked me out for happy hour, and the junior manager (female) recounted Anna Nicole Smith’s entire life story in painstaking detail. Needless to say I declined the invitation (although he’s “taking a rain check” and will “hold me to it”). For the A.N. Smith marathon I did a lot of smiling and nodding after earnest statements like “oh, she was always really crazy" and "it wasn't a real overdose because she had been taking those pills for awhile!"

(2) While stuck in a stairwell with several hundred other state employees during a tornado drill, I got to talking with one of the IT guys. We talk fairly often because we have some overlapping projects, but it took a somewhat strange turn when he related the tornado drill situation to his favorite movie and then the next day loaned me his (illegally burned) copy of said movie. The budget ladies believe he is single and making a move--similar to when he asked one of the other ladies to go on a bike ride. I haven't watched the movie or returned it. Mostly I'm avoiding the situation.

What the #$%@ is up with the USPS?

In honor of Anne's return to American soil, I had Chipotle for dinner today (sorry, man, I tried calling before I went). My local purveyor of burrito perfection is at the corner of Grand and Victoria. The trip gave me another opportunity to observe one of the stranger sights in St. Paul: a USPS mailbox painted like R2D2. Since this corner is also home to other budget ladies' fav lunch venues (Cafe Latte, Bread and Chocolate), I've had several chances to notice and be stymied by the box.

Tonight I finally decided to get to the bottom of this. I figured I'd go to the USPS website and dig around for awhile until I found the particular Star Wars-themed page that was mentioned on the box. Uh, no need to dig. Check this out: http://www.usps.com/. Does anyone else find it odd that they're tying ads for a supposedly futuristic movie series to the ultimate in outdated communication technology? Come on, George Lucas, you can do better than that.

NOT smarter than a 5th grader

I don’t need Fox to tell me that I’ve lost ground since 5^th grade. Kids intuitively know:

1. Working too hard = bad
2. Running around = good

But me, well, I have to be hit over the head by it every once in awhile to remember. Since the people who suck the life out of me are on spring break, I actually had the opportunity (read: got off my lazy ass) to visit Bally’s for the first time in a good long awhile. I never feel good while actually jumping up and down like a moron on a plastic plank, but that first step out into the fresh air after working out is just perfection. It’s really too bad you have to do the whole jumping around part to get the moment of perfection. Perhaps that’s why we invented illicit drugs. Not being much of a recreational user, I’m stuck with my plastic plank.

Shout out: MN National Guard

Today's shout out goes to our state's men and women in camouflage. I have the pleasure of working with a few gentlemen from the Guard's administration. In addition to being great to work with, these guys represent a truly impressive organization. A few examples:

• According to recent testimony at the legislature by the head of MN-NG (Adjutant General Shellito), the Minnesota Guard has the best recruitment of any state (even during wartime) and is frequently chosen for federal missions because it is one of the best trained, equipped, and staffed guards in the nation.
  
• MN-NG is developing a nation-leading reintegration program to help returning troops settle successfully back into their lives.
• According to a recent public radio story, MN-NG is one of few military organizations to support blogging by its active duty members despite other military organizations' reticence.
  

It's pretty incredible listening to recent public radio stories about what soldiers (Guard and otherwise) and their families face. With deployments to both Bosnia and Iraq, many of the 2,700 MN-NG members currently on active duty have been overseas 3 out of the last 6 years. That has to be a little more soldier than they expected when signing up to be citizen-soldiers.