Yeah, I know. I'm boring.

In order to push reading the paper ahead of work and minutiae, I will share two interesting articles from the past week.

First, an article about Sagis Corp, a new MN company that helps businesses capture and transfer knowledge from retiring employees. This is going to be a big market, so props to these guys for getting in early (although they should definitely ditch the lame picture). When I get out of the public policy game, this is totally what I want to do. Have I mentioned recently that the business section is by far the best part of the Star Tribune, especially on Mondays? Well, it is.

Second, another addition to the "just released health study" story. I try not to put too much stock in these stories, but I found this one --on the possible connection between flu shots for pregnant women and schizophrenia in their children--pretty interesting. While on the topic, I have been enjoying the NYT health coverage of late, especially the stories filed under research.

Kindness of strangers

Tonight I purchased a bevy of drugs at the local Walgreens. While waiting for the amoxicillin, I had time to read through labels for the accompanying nasal spray and Mucinex. The former prompted a lengthy consideration of how much squeezing constitutes a single "spray" from the bottle and the latter got me wondering if the name is just exact enough to be perfect or too gross to be effective.

"Have you ever taken that before?" piped up the only other customer in the waiting area, gesturing to the Mucinex box.

"Nope, first time."

"Well, it makes your urine smell just awful! I just don't know what they put in there." she continued, looking surprisingly young and normal to be discussing body fluids with a stranger.

"Thanks for the tip. Good to know, I guess."

I can admit when I'm wrong

In a word, perfect

There's too much to fit into one post so I plan to do a series. A week's vacation has almost entirely killed my motivation, though, so we'll see.

As you might expect, the ocean views are the best part of Barbados. All the beaches are public--no walled compounds--so we were able to wander along them easily. Because it's low season, we often had beaches to ourselves.

Our beach

Six Men's Bay

The soup bowl

Bottom Bay

Really?

So, earlier this week I heard this story about a Texas city attorney who after 9-11 vowed to wear a single patriotic tie until Osama bin Laden was captured or dead. Nearly six years later his tie is so tattered the guy declared he would stop wearing it unless Osama proved he was alive by 9-11-07. A day or two later bin Laden pulled through with a new tape proclaiming the usual praise for terrorists and violence to western heathens. Coincidence?

In other news, MPR reported that a U of M study found a link between a certain amino acid and gambling addiction. The study was too small to be statistically significant, but the scientist folks think taking the amino acid supplement could reduce addictive behavior. I'm totally weirded out by the idea that we will eventually be able to chemically alter all aspects of our behavior, right on down to basic personality characteristics.

Shout out to the (famous) men in my life

It was a big night for TV. Both of the (famous) men in my life were on, and in fine, fine form.

First, Jon Stewart presented a great (rerun) interview with Barack Obama. The best question:

Do you feel like you're stuck in a narrative now, and the narrative is that Hilary Clinton is unlikeable but knows what she's doing and Obama is inexperienced but brings change--and no matter what you do, because [these scenarios are] easily categorized, the media or everyone else will just slip whatever happens into [that narrative]?



It's at 2:29 in part 1. I'd recommend part 2 also. By the way, I asked Paul the other night if Jon Stewart could be my free pass, to which he replied, "What does that mean?" Apparently the concept of a free pass is not universal. After I explained, he did not look too happy at the thought, even though I pointed out the probability is low that Jon Stewart would cross my path and agree to sex.

Second, Peyton Manning played some gorgeous football against the Saints. Sorry Brett Favre, but there's a new QB in my life. As some of you know, I was auditioning last season for a new quarterback love. I was holding out for Eli Manning to come into his own because he is so darn cute. But at the end of the day Peyton is just a superior player and stirs all the old feelings from the days before Brett threw a million interceptions per game. Commentator Al Michaels also mentioned that Indianapolis is the most homegrown team in the league, with only four Colts having played for other NFL teams. I like that. Similar to how Green Bay residents own shares in the Packers.

Clockwork

For those of you keeping score at home, I charged plane tickets to Boston and the second Barbados payment on my WF credit card this week. Which of course prompted a call from the monotone computer voice asking me to verify charges. I should be glad they're protecting me from identity theft, but really it just feels like Big Brother has declared travel illegal.

Kitters and Chubbers

Paul can't remember my cats' names most of the time so he refers to them collectively as "kitters" and individually as "chubbers" (Audrey) and "the male" (Jackson). They love him anyway, but mostly because he is unpracticed in the art of living with cats. He's such an easy target--for everything from tripping and covering in fur, to full-scale restroom-use-interruption tactics.

This past weekend, the kitters decided to escalate. After a lengthy beer pong tournament on Sunday night, Paul passed out on my couch. The next morning I noticed his arm was covered in bright red scratches. We're talking a 4 inch by 1.5 inch area of skin full of claw marks. He has absolutely no recollection of tangling with the cats, but I thought I saw a proud glint in Audrey's eye.

She got her comeuppance, though. While trying a clever new launch off the speaker, Audrey miscalculated the landing and ended up wedged between the TV stand and the wall--feet dangling just out of reach of the floor. I just about died laughing, and received a very miffed look. The extraction process was complicated, so I took a moment to capture it midway:

(The intended landing site was the patch of wood to her right. By this point she had managed to back her ass onto the speaker, but hadn't found traction for any paws. I eventually had to haul her out upside down by the front legs.)

You can just see part of Jackson--who was sitting unhelpfully on the speaker giving her a look like, "oh, wow...geez...that's too bad..."

Speaking of happy

I stole this picture from Go Fug Yourself because of how incredibly happy Suri and her mom look:

Tonight I saw a child walking down the street hand in hand with his mom. He had the most gleeful smile on his face--likely was related to the giant green lizard costume he was wearing. You have to wonder if mom lost the "what should I wear today" battle on the first day of prekindergarten.

I appreciated the reminder from Suri and lizard-boy: happiness is uncomplicated.

A is for apple

In honor of the first day of school for all my teacher friends, I'd like to comment on a Strib story about the new Shakopee High School. After several paragraphs describing how the new school design will better serve students and community members, the article reads:

Although mostly pleased with the way the school turned out, Tomczik noted that you can't always get everything you want. Teachers' lounges, for instance, are small and unappealing. And because of the small learning pods, there are no centralized departments for specific subjects.

In short, the new design fails to recognize that a school is also a workplace. Now I know it's all about the kids, but research shows good teaching is the second most important factor in student achievement after the kids' own families and experiences. And I would hazard a guess that happy teachers are better teachers. So I'm just saying I'd probably try to accommodate their needs a weensy bit.

(It is quite possible the Shakopee design does provide some nice features for teachers that were not covered in this article. If so, I apologize to Shakopee for using it as an example of a wider problem.)

Bus Tales

At Anne's suggestion, I submitted a story to a relatively new website called Bus Tales. In the vein of Overheard in Minneapolis, it's a place where people can post about experiences they've had on Metro Transit buses.

Most of you have heard this story before, but if you want to see it up in lights, you can check it out: Do You Know Her? It's worth it just to see how great the labels are for my post.

I submitted another story and have a few more planned, so stay tuned.

W(t)F

As most of you know, I loathe Wells Fargo. I bank there, because it's the only one that allows me to do all my transactions at SuperAmerica ATMs. Other than this unbeatable convenience, WF is evil. They have caused me all manner of problems--too numerous to count, really. Raising the minimum balance without notice then charging ridiculous fees, having an annoying computer call to verify charges every time I buy a plane ticket and blocking the transaction altogether if I buy from nwa.com, plus all the horrors of the phone bank. I realize it's my own damn fault for not changing banks, but I want to complain anyway.

Oh, and to top it off they're pretty much the number one predatory lender in America. (Plus they're snapping up yummy subprime mortgages at low rates as the less successful subprime lenders go under.)

But this is my favorite. Today I got a letter saying they have put a recent deposit on hold because: (1) doubt as to whether the check will be paid by the institution on which it is drawn, (2) length of time the account has been open, or (3) frequency of overdrafts or returned checks on the account. Yeah, so this check is drawn on the State of Minnesota (I can personally vouch for the fact that MN is good for it), deposited to a savings account opened in the early 90's, from which there have been (by dint of being a savings account) a total of zero overdrafts and returned checks.

Good work, team.

Thank you, Al Gore!

Who doesn't love a little time-wasting on the internet? In honor of a completely useless evening of television, junk food, and internet surfing, I bring you links from websites I have recently discovered.

Urban Dictionary
A very handy slang wiktionary. Harkens back to my nerdy linguistics major friends talking about whether dictionaries would move toward a more organic view of new word development. I'd say that ship has sailed, no?

Twin Cities Green Guide
Just like it sounds--help being more green. So your liberal alma mater doesn't disown you.

Food Network
Paul will laugh if he sees this on here because I never cook. But I am infatuated with this website. Whoever designed it should win an award. It is perfectly designed to answer the overwhelmingly broad question, "what should I make?" by giving you a million different ways to wander your way to a recipe.

Vacation in MSP

Paul and I needed some quality time together but didn't want the hassle of leaving town. So taking a tip from friends Britta and Matt, we vacationed in good ol' MSP. Many forces conspired against us--rainy weather, rampant road closures, and even a funeral--but we still managed to enjoy a nice vacation.

Friday we had dinner at the duplex. I'm pretty sure it used to be the coffee shop Pandora's Box. They make an f'ing good pork loin and the mixed green salad was excellent. Even a state senator sighting couldn't ruin the ambiance.

photo courtesy of theduplex

Saturday we toured the James J. Hill House in St. Paul. Mr. Hill had $63 million when he died in 1916 so you can imagine how amazing his house is. Highlights: an absolutely beautiful organ, gorgeous carved wood on about every surface, some seriously fine Tiffany productions, and lots of early 19th century gadgetry.

photo courtesy of MN Historical Society

Sunday we saw the Picasso and American Art exhibit at the Walker. When you go, because you must--even the Walker doesn't get shows like this every day--I recommend the free iPod audio guide instead of the tour.

photo courtesy of Wet Paint

That certain je ne sais quoi

I thought this commentary about the Minnesotan response to the bridge disaster was really well done. Starting with a quote from The Abyss, how could you go wrong?

Seriously, though, I don't think we're as idyllic as all that, but there is something indescribable about this place and its inhabitants. People try--and frequently fail--to capture it properly. I think this commentary comes closer than most to getting it right.

Photo courtesy of Letterboxing Minnesota

Follower

First my grandmother beat me to the internet--the first time I googled myself there was nary a mention of me, but there was a full color article in the Wheaton College, Mass, online newsletter about my grandmother.

Then my mother beat me to the op-ed page. I have written letter after letter to the editor, but nary a one has made the paper. Mom had a letter published in the Charleston Post and Courier last week. (They butchered her letter, as is normally the case with letters to the editor, but it's still pretty cool. Plus she's totally right--you would be aghast at the lack of infrastructure in her county.)

I have now made it to the internet, but still yearn for the day one of my highly intelligent and very timely letters will make it into the Strib.

Target audience?

While doing some very serious online research prompted by Anne's post about tupperware, I came upon this:

The
Gladware
Interlocker
Game

How much do you think Glad paid the makers of Bejeweled to produce this little gem? When it comes out of beta I would suggest less obnoxious music.

Also, isn't it just like humans to create such a boundless invention as the internet and then fill it with crap like a tupperware game?

The story

Tonight while noodling my way through St. Paul to avoid the now ever-present traffic on 280, I heard a really interesting show on MPR. It's called The Story, and features lengthy interviews with regular folks.

Yup, that's it. Regular folks...telling their stories. According to its website, the show tries to get at major topics of the day--like Iraq, health care, and politics--by letting individual soldiers, doctors, and voters talk about their lives. They intentionally do not interview think tank people, market analysts, or politicians.

While listening to a woman named Nancy talk about growing up in the family business, I realized how truly disenchanted I am with mainstream news. Perhaps finally disenchanted enough to seek out alternatives. I just feel like there is a gaping hole--so much beneath the surface of every issue that doesn't come out in most news coverage. I finally understand why my dad has turned to current event blogs and cannot fathom why I still rely mostly on newspapers. But I find those blogs are often full of even less-informed punditry than the mainstream media stories. A recent FutureTense story got me thinking that citizen journalism may meet my needs more. The brief story highlighted how actively citizen journalists are covering the bridge collapse, and it rang very true. I had already turned to citizen journalists to fill in the gaps in news coverage--by searching youtube videos and reading personal blogs.

Seeking out more individual stories/citizen journalism could help with one of my main beefs about mainstream media. Most news outlets are under such pressure to get stories out quickly, those stories end up developing on air or in print. So the facts seem to change from moment to moment, making the final version much less credible. Citizen journalism and individual stories seem like better ways to fill the need for immediate information. Since they're obviously and intentionally subjective, they don't need revision like factual news stories. People's own experiences and initial interpretations will still be valid regardless of the facts uncovered later.

So (long-winded, wandering) story short: I obviously need newspapers for the basic facts, but I think I'll try out this world of citizen journalism and individual stories to see if it fills the gaping hole left by mainstream media--particularly while waiting for regular news outlets to get their stories straight after major events.

Speaking of new frontiers

For all you omnivores and connectors out there, here's an interesting news story. Since one of these links will inevitably break, here are a few more: MPR, CNNMoney, and TechLawBlog. I don't know quite what I think about all this yet (especially because I don't use internet on my cell phone), but the Google rep on MPR-Marketplace was pretty convincing.

It is fascinating to watch government regulators react to the rapidly changing technology landscape. We seem to get these whiplash like swings between protecting semi-monopolies and then breaking them. Given the speed of technological development, and the network effect inherent to the tech market, I find the protectionist arguments offered by the cell providers hard to swallow.
_________________________________________________________________
FYI: since the original post, the FCC issued new rules that appear to be a compromise between the Google/openess folks and the Cell phone industry folks.

State Fair fun

Tonight on Fresh Air, Terri Gross interviewed Frank Owen, the author of a new book on meth. I find meth fascinating (and not just because of the fabulous “Life….Or Meth” billboard on Snelling). I only caught part of the segment, so I did not get my most burning question answered: it seems like there was a huge meth craze in the mid-80s, a relatively long lull, and then another big craze starting in the late 90s-early 00s. Just what happened in between? Am I imagining the lull?

However, Mr. Owen did share an interesting tidbit that may be related to my question. Apparently the meth of yesteryear (which year exactly is unclear despite some half-hearted internet searches) was produced from phenyl-2-propanone (P2P). This complicated process required sophisticated lab equipment and a certain amount of expertise. Since moderately ineffective government intervention is the cornerstone of any good drug story, the federal government launched a successful ban of P2P, prompting the endlessly creative illicit drug manufacturers to change tactics—devising a much more potent form of meth made from everyday medicines in simple home laboratories.

So how does this relate to the Great Minnesota Get-Together? Why, because it is home to the meth information booth of course. Sponsored by county attorneys, the meth booth provides loads of information about meth addiction and the illegal meth trade. There are even former addicts roaming around to answer your own burning questions. I dragged a few friends there last year, but they refused to go inside. Their loss, because it was truly fascinating. Especially when a former addict explained to me the variations of meth you can find in different parts of the state.

Long story short, I plan to read Mr. Owen’s book and report back on what I learn. But in the meantime, visit the meth booth at the State Fair. It’s right next to the sweet corn--you can’t miss it.

(photo courtesy of MN County Attorneys Association)

New frontier?

Last night I received a spam text message. Apparently some stock (PBHX?) is about "to go through the!"

I'm assuming "roof" was accidentally omitted. The message indicated it came from AOL, but the specific sender was identified only by a series of digits that do not comprise a full phone number.

This seems like an inefficient way to get the word out about a favored stock. Is text messaging the new frontier for spam? Is this a common occurrence?

Elevator trauma and other stories

Riding the elevator is the most traumatic part of my job for two reasons:

First, while most of the budget folks work with agencies safely ensconced in other buildings, my agencies are largely housed in our same building. This means I cannot park my car, ride the elevator, or go to the cafeteria without awkward conversations. If I decide to wear jeans on Friday? Of course I run into commissioners from my agencies. But the elevator encounters are definitely the worst--because there is no escape.

Second, our building is full of stalkerish creepy guys who enjoy the twenty-something budget ladies. And they seem to spend a lot of time in the elevators. Case in point: we were enjoying a rare lunch in the first floor cafeteria, when one of the ladies spotted a creepy stranger from another agency who had struck up an elevator conversation with her a few weeks prior.

Creepy stranger: Hi, how are you doing?

Budget lady: Uh, fine.

Stranger: So, how do you like working here?

Budget lady, wondering how he knows where "here" is: Uh, fine. How do you like it?

Stranger: Well, I like it okay but I've been here six years already. You've only been here about two years, right?

Budget lady, now thoroughly creeped out: Yup.

Stranger: That must mean you're leaving soon--the young women around here usually leave after a year or two.

Budget lady: Oh, look, there's my floor.

A few days later they shared another awkward elevator conversation, at which time she pointedly brought up her long-term boyfriend. Almost that same day, I had the following exchange in the elevator:

Creepy stranger: Hi, did you get Lasik surgery?

Me: Uh, no. I'm just wearing contacts.

What I really wanted to say was, "So YOU must be the creepy guy that tracks our movements!" But since his name badge indicated he works for one of my agencies, alas, I did not.

In related news, overly friendly IT guy stopped me in the hall today to say, "Curly! I like it!" in reference to my new hairdo. It was uncomfortable, and I'm pretty sure I heard two other budget ladies snickering about it in a nearby cube afterward.

Picking a horse

On Saturday, Maggie and Rachel showed me how to bet on the ponies at Canterbury. This was especially kind of Rach after she endured a day-long tour of the entire operations of the state agency that regulates horse racing. Seriously, ask me anything about regulating a racetrack--I have now seen it all.

While playing the ponies was fun and exciting, it got me thinking about the more daunting work of picking a candidate for president. While I am still smarting from the last few times state and federal Dems chose candidates (um, can you say Mike Hatch and John Kerry?), I am cheered greatly by the fact that I don't hate any of the current front-runners for president. But I am struggling to chose a favorite among them. Here's where I am right now--any thoughts on the matter are most welcome.

Johnny Boy - As most of you know, I threw in with this guy early on last time and still do not regret it. While reading his billionth quote about"Two Americas" in the paper last week it hit me--his antipoverty stance must be totally sincere. Last time around an antipoverty platform helped catapult him to success (with some help from nice eyes, great hair, and a drawl). This year it is barely making headlines. If it wasn't sincere I think he would have changed tactics long ago. It's really too bad no one gets jazzed up about alleviating poverty, and there's the whole being a millionaire lawyer problem. But I can't help it, I still like the guy--and his politics. I can also tell you from personal experience that those caucus-going Iowans love good ol' Johnny Boy like he was their long-lost grandson.

Ms. Rodham - I just have such mixed feelings about her. On the one hand she is the only front-runner with enough experience to really understand Washington. But this doesn't seem to help her get much done. I think she's a really smart lady, and am not ashamed to admit I'd vote for her solely because she is a woman (and it doesn't hurt that she's married to Billy). But I can't help feeling like she is the John Kerry of 2008--and given how much I thought he sucked as a candidate that comparison is really bringing her down in my book.

BaRock! - I like that he's one smart dude, and the most Clintonesque well-spoken. Bonus points for being (somewhat) midwestern. I know they're all lawyers, but his particular focus on civil rights and constitutional law would be a good mix for a president. I'm marking him down on electability, though, because I think he is the Edwards of 2008. Even if he is qualified to be president, people will think he isn't and choose the "experienced" candidate who so totally lacks pizazz to the point where all a Republican has to do to win is walk upright unassisted.

So, there you have it. These early thoughts are obviously based on broad generalizations about the candidates--which would normally be enough to weed out a few folks this early in the race. But perhaps that won't work this year, and a closer look at policy positions is required. Too bad folks who run for national office typically avoid policy positions.

Juror #5

Yes, that would be me. After winning the lottery yesterday (I was one of only 19 people sent home after 2 hours), I was "sat on a jury" today. And it might just be the most unrepresentative jury of all time--6 white mostly suburban women in their 20s and 40s. Ramsey County is pretty darn diverse, and they draw from voter, driver, and state ID records. So where are they hiding all the men and people of color?

Anyhoo, today we made it through jury selection and what I can only hope is half of the testimony. I would rate jury selection as fascinating, and your basic run-of-the-mill civil case proceedings as slightly more interesting than televised golf. I spent most of my time watching the judge, who has a terrible poker face. It's quite clear when she thinks an attorney is taking (or failing to object to) a stupid line of questioning or when she thinks a witness is a complete bozo. Plus there was much yawning and rubbing of her eyes (we're talking elbows on the desk, fingers stuffed behind glasses, vigorous rubbing).

I also spent about 30 minutes making a mental pro-con list on whether to make a bid for forewoman. I have visions of pulling a total 12 Angry Men.

Dear delegate

And so it begins, the long (long, long) political campaign season. Newspaper articles on major candidates have grown too numerous to ignore. Junk mail arrives at least once a week from would-be elected officials. At some point soon the TV commercials will reach even the political backwaters of Minnesota.

I'm sure I will have many more complaints along the way, but for now I have just one plea: check your grammar before sending me crap! Take for example the first sentence of a letter from Mike Ciresi for Senate:

There is a deep concern among Minnesotans about the course that our state and nation is taking.

Or the first sentence of a letter I received last season from Matt Entenza's campaign:

In the tradition of great Minnesota attorney generals...

(It would have been much less egregious if he was running for some other post.) So please, candidates, find an English teacher or a really nerdy friend to read your letters before you print a thousand copies.

A good time was had by all

(photo courtesy of wikipedia)

I love this place.

Health care = fun, redux

To top off my week of fun with health care, the mothership called on Friday.

Soft-voiced woman: "Um, ah, I'm looking for.....Abigoyle Read?

Me: This is she.

Woman: I'm calling on behalf of Dr. Bharucha at the Mayo Clinic...do you remember seeing him?

Me: (Wondering if this is a test) Yes, I was just there on Tuesday.

Woman: Well, he wants to make sure you got the breast imaging he recommended.

Me: Uh, he specializes in colon issues so I imagine he doesn't recommend much breast imaging. Also, he's not my actual doctor--he just conducted a colon procedure.

Woman: Oh, dear.

The Mothership

This week my colon went on vacation to the mothership of medicine. Mr. Colon saw lots of interesting people and places, and he’s quite tired from all the fun. He has some highlights and lowlights to share, but first to set the scene.

At the mothership, all of the staff look shiny and happy--from the surgeons right on down to the guy who wipes the floors. Speaking of the guy who wipes the floors, he and his other service colleagues wear vests and ties like the concierge at a fine hotel. In fact, the mothership resembles a fine hotel in most respects. The two buildings Mr. Colon visited each featured massive marble lobbies complete with multi-story windows, endless comfortable chairs, free wireless internet, grand pianos, and commissioned art. All paperwork is completed ahead of time and then scanned, so check-in is a breeze. Many patients receive pagers so they can roam while they wait for the doctor. The full-service ground transportation center helps thousands of slow-moving patients enter and exit the mothership effortlessly.

But anyway, back to highlights Mr. Colon’s trip:

• The aforementioned lobbies, especially the one with the calming fountain.
• Watching hundreds of senior citizens storm the doors of the main building when it opened at 6:30 am. Those old folks were moving fast despite all manner of physical ailments.
• When Mr. Colon crushed Mr. Balloon, and the resulting spike in pressure caused a computer system failure accompanied by 45 minutes of obnoxiously loud beeping (this counts as a highlight because it cut an 8-hour ordeal short by a good 30 minutes).
• Being forced to eat a gigantic thousand-calorie chocolate malt after fasting for a day and a half.
  
• Mr. Colon's moment of triumph when he learned that he functions just fine; he can blame everything on Ms. Confused Pelvic Muscle.

Of course there were some lowlights, too:

• Lying almost completely still for 6 hours, broken up only by medication that caused uncontrollable twitching and nausea.
• When the Thing We Do Not Speak Of inserted Mr. Balloon without any of the normal happy drugs (because Mr. Colon is lazy when he's high).
• One doctor, two residents, and one nurse all peering up Mr. Colon at the same time.
• When stupid host body cried inconsolably while the nice resident tried to take her medical history.
• (The pain that comes after) being forced to eat a gigantic thousand-calorie chocolate malt after fasting for a day and a half.

Health care = fun

I spent about an hour today navigating my health insurance pre-approval process. But that’s not the story. The story is: a few days ago my primary care clinic informed me that I am overdue for my regular Hemoglobin Alc test. Apparently this test is essential to the proper care of my diabetes, and I should set up an appointment immediately. Trouble is, I don’t have diabetes.

So, dutiful citizen that I am, I called the clinic just in case: (a) there is some other forgetful person in dire need of Hemoglobin Alc-checking, or (b) I have been tested for and diagnosed with diabetes without my knowledge. But I really called because of: (c) a really nerdy reason to be explained below.

I was passed around to four different people, until finally someone cared enough to look into it. She called me back to explain that I am overdue for an eye exam, so I should reread the letter because it was probably instructing me to make an eye appointment. Oh, yes, I am SURE I mistook the words, “biweekly Hemoglobin Alc test” for “annual eye exam.” They are so close.

Officially pissed off by that point, I launched into an explanation of why this is not just any old clerical error, but a significant issue that could affect their quality ratings and eventually the cost to patients like me. (Basically, a nonprofit rates health care quality based on indicators including diabetes treatment, specifically maintaining a Hemoglobin Alc less than 7.0%. Currently the state bases clinic cost levels (copays and deductibles) solely on cost, but will soon add quality ratings to the scale. Thus, if their testing compliance data is skewed by people who are not in fact diabetic, it could reduce their quality rating and increase my costs.)

As you might imagine, she was very uninterested in this explanation. Best health care system in the world, my ass.

Tidbits

Today the budget ladies continued our lunch tour of the capitol grounds memorials. While enjoying a cool breeze in the shade of the women's suffrage memorial, we were unceremoniously sprayed by pop-up lawn sprinklers. Controlled by a man who I swear could clearly see us sitting there. Thanks, buddy.

I was half-watching The Colbert Report a minute ago, and he started a bit with, "We're in the 7th year of President Bush's term..." Holy shit. And people wonder why the world is going to hell in a handbasket? It should be pretty darn obvious why. To those who said in the face of doomsday predictions before he was elected, "it's not like he could really ruin the world" I say, "told you so."

While on the way to an office party in Vadnais Heights, I off-roaded it through Shoreview to avoid some horrendous traffic. Turns out Shoreview is really pretty. Who knew? Good thing it's nice because given the traffic on 694 I'm guessing those folks can't get out much.

We all know I have trouble accomplishing things that normal people do all the time without any thought, like sleeping, cooking, folding laundry, and pooping. Well, I would like to report that last night I accomplished, two, count 'em, TWO of these feats. I cooked that chicken curry rice salad for the office party AND slept 7 hours. However, I left my clean laundry in a semi-folded pile on my dresser and the intestines are having a bad week. But half isn't too shabby.

It's like crack

I learned from a favorite blog that a friend may apply to participate in the Washington Post Magazine feature Date Lab. You have to check out the archives. Seriously, it's like crack. (Well, not the most addictive form of crack served up exclusively by HGTV, but really close.)

Actually made me miss DC for a moment. Don't worry, it passed.

Shout out: Bumper stickers

I love bumper stickers. It's so great when a particularly witty one makes me chuckle. Today I saw a sticker that read:

Stop Stealing!
The government doesn't like competition.

I happen to believe taxation supports important government services (like, say, fine budget analysis from yours truly, or high quality teaching at certain area high schools). But that bumper sticker is still damn funny. Two other favorites (both seen frequently around the Mac-Groveland neighborhood):

Abstinence Only
No Bush, No Dick in '04

and

Jesus doesn't love you.
And neither do I.

See, I'm chuckling right now.

"Better a bleeding heart than none at all"

I saw that on a bumper sticker recently (next to an Ole decal). For my fellow Mac-ites and other interested parties, here is a Katherine Kersten rant about the alma. I actually agree with her basic premise (it really would be helpful if conservative viewpoints were included in the debate over there), but find it poorly argued and rather hypocritical coming from someone who was hired solely to write a politically one-sided column.

I particularly enjoyed:

• Basing the "good old days" reference on one 60 year-old guy's memory of an event that took place over 40 years ago
• The idea that an American studies department that focuses ("overwhelmingly") on race, gender and ethnic minorities is closed-minded (I'm sorry, has she read standard history texts? It's not like people are hurting for knowledge of white male political/war history).
• The whole sentence: "Religious holidays are still respected at Macalester, but the concept has expanded." Isn't that the definition of open-minded?
• Taking the president's comment, "We work hard to see that the college is a safe place for all reasonable points of view to be expressed" to mean he does not value greater intellectual diversity.

She tried to argue the "Macalester is too closed-minded" point, but really only had support for the unspoken "Macalester is an easy target because it affirms everything I'm paid to write against" point. Anyway, it's too bad she so thoroughly distorted this Peterson guy's valid case for improving academics by promoting intellectual diversity.

Did I mention crazy people seek me out?

I visited the dumpster room this weekend--that dank, creepy place where trash chutes end and monsters go to die. As usual, I left the door wide open to the underground parking area beyond, just in case a dying monster decided to get smart with me. While I was breaking down a cardboard box, a car stopped in front of the door and a scraggly dude emerged.

Scraggly: "IS THERE A SMALLER BOX THAT WOULD FIT A BABY ALBINO SQUIRREL?"

Me: (rapid blinking, stunned silence)

Scraggly: "Here, hold this lid for me."

Without waiting for an answer, he dove head-first into the cardboard dumpster. I just managed to grab the lid before it crashed down on his ass (now at eye-level). After some rooting around, he climbed back out with a triumphant grin and a smallish white box. He chattered excitedly as he jumped in his car, but over the noise of the engine I could only make out snippets:

"...it got run over...right there in the middle of the road..."

"...wouldn't 'ave stopped for just any squirrel, but those albinos are like one in a thousand..."

"...think the Asians were having a funeral..."

"...can't remember if those are the good luck ones or the bad luck ones..."

"...anyway, they're just really special, you know..."

Since the only other exit was up the trash chute, I just stared back until he finally drove away. Overall I'd rate Scraggly as creepier than the guy on the No. 16 bus who repeatedly yelled, "Have you ever seen the blaspheming baby-rapist-whore of Minnesota?" and less creepy than the guy who tried to corner me in the tampon aisle at Cub.

Poetry bug?

I was crabby about the weather today. Crabby enough to whine to myself about it on the way to work. For some reason totally independent of Cyndy's post, I formed the whine into a haiku while I drove. Since Cyndy and Maggie have already shared their thoughts in haiku, I thought I'd mix it up with a cinquain:

Sneezing,
Big hair, damp cold,
Or worse, a moist hot day.
I really hate humidity,
A lot.

Fugly

I rest my case: The go-to blog on pop culture fashion criticism agrees that there is something strangely fascinating about the Pussycat Dolls (including the Search for the Next). I am not alone.

Seriously, if you were too lazy or uninterested to click the link above, here's another one. I've been spending way too much time there. I first noticed the site because it's linked on two unrelated blogs that I read regularly (the wonders of the blogosphere). So now I can hold two people I do not know (well, one I have met once or twice, the other never) responsible for all my time-wasting.

Deal or no deal

While we were enjoying our daily dose of deal or no deal, a colleague recalled a fitting quotation:

Good leadership is the ability to disappoint one's followers at a rate they can absorb.

I did a little googling but could not find the source. Much appreciation to anyone who can locate the actual quotation.

Crazy people seek me out

As requested by Anne, the weirdest email I received at a previous job. The Americorps supervisor had given a prospective member my contact information so he could ask questions about the program. I spoke with him briefly on the phone (which was also uncomfortable) and then he followed up with this email (I believe after he had already decided not to take the position). By the way, the supervisor was mortified and subsequently ended the practice of giving out current members' contact information.

Hey,
how are u doing?

I'm the guy that asked about Americorp, specifically how to survive on a very little amount of money.

Do you remember me?

I'm pretty good, but am tired.

I was wondering if you want to get together for coffee and chat, or do you want to go out to lunch or see a movie?

So, how old are u and where are u from?

I'm 29, from St.. Paul.

I graduated from Metropolitan State University, with a major in human services/family studies, and a minor in child psychology.

Well, I gotta go for now, so God bless you!!!

~ Mike :o)

I want to get to know u better, so please answer these questions.

Thanks and God bless you!

~ Mike :o)

> What is your favorite...
>
> Color?

Mine is blue.

> Season?

Mine is spring and summer.

> Holiday?

> mine is Christmas
>
> Activity to do?

> mine is being outdoors, enjoying God's creation!
Also, I like to paint landspaces with oil, acrylic, and watercolor.

> Feeling?

> mine is being loved!
>
> Dog (or cat)?

>> mine is schnauser (spelling ?)

> Movie or type of movie?

> mine is romance, comedy, and drama.
>
> Scripture passage?

> mine is Issiah where it says that those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength...

> Person or role model?

> mine is my mom, 'cause she's a wonderful woman, and I love her so much!!!

> Music?

> mine is classical, jazz, big band, praise and worship.
>
> Way to relax?

> mine is being in my sweatpants and t-shirt and watching a good show on TV.

Well,
that's all for now, so God bless u!

~ Mike :o)

Open letter

Dear Teamsters,

Thank you very much for the free lunch on the capitol lawn yesterday. The bratwurst and cake were delicious, and I learned a lot about the potential economic benefits of the proposed construction materials sales tax exemption for the Mall of America expansion.

Sincerely,
Abigail Emerson

Page A3

I don't read page A3 of the Strib much because it often features stories that have been beaten to death in other media (or are otherwise annoying). But I read it today, and have some thoughts to share.

Senate says no to drug imports (top story): I think federally-sanctioned drug "reimportation" is about the stupidest idea ever. And not just because people had to make up a word to describe it. So, leaders in other countries have the political will to reduce the cost of health care, including prescription drugs. Instead of endlessly debating an absurd plan to piggyback on the work of others, how about our political leaders devote energy to actually fixing the problem here? Perhaps efforts to change how we price and consume health care? Mayo has some ideas on achieving better quality at a lower cost. More of that, less of the absurd.

Astronomers awestruck by the most super supernova ever recorded (below the fold for obvious reasons): Ridiculous headline aside, articles about major scientific discoveries make me worry about how much our understanding of the world has changed since (for example) I slept through the astronomy unit in 8th grade science. Case in point: a few years ago two scientists won a Nobel for demonstrating that ulcers are caused by a certain bacterium rather than stress and coffee. Now, doesn't this seem like vital information--like it should be put on a billboard so that bunches of stressed out folks don't continue to be stressed out because they can't reduce the stress enough to get rid of a painful ulcer? Just like antivirus software provides periodic updates, I think each year the scientific community should produce a brief summary of all the discoveries that rendered obsolete a worldview shaped by grade-school science textbooks. Perhaps the December issue of Discover magazine could tackle this for me?

P. S. If you have a Strib handy, check out the great picture of the Queen looking askance at the Pres., also on page A3.

P. P. S. If you are unfamiliar with the ulcer discovery, check out the link. No one would believe them, so one swallowed some of the bacteria to prove it. Now that's worth a Nobel.

Not my job

Few people really understand what I do for a living. But the sender of this email wins:

I didn't know who to contact regarding this question. As a state employee, do I qualify for a discounted price on an Apple computer? If you aren't the person who deals with this, could you please let me know whom to contact? Thank you.

What boggles my mind is how she got my email address in the first place. To connect my name with technology takes about 8 clicks and a good bit of scrolling on our website (and on the way it should become obvious that's not what we do). I tried some logical Google searches and none yielded my name. Lucky for her, finding answers to obscure questions is part of my job, so I passed her on to the right people. But for those of you who are keeping track, my job has nothing to do with the subject of this email.

While on the topic of technology, I would like to promote some great shareware called CutePDF. After a quick, free download you can print to PDF from pretty much any word or data processing program. The output is a tad bit fuzzier than what you get from Adobe, but the price is right. It's the only shareware our IT folks let us use--so it must be the IT equivalent of kosher.

The best speed

I know it sounds crazy, but I think 40 is the best speed to drive. Not because there is anything inherently great about traveling 40 miles per hour, but because everything good about driving comes together at that speed. I submit:

Roads with 40 mph limits are usually curvy with interesting sights, otherwise they'd be 50 mph

40 mph roads have fewer stoplights than slower roads and less traffic than faster roads

40 mph roads typically have multiple lanes or passing zones so you can get around the slowpokes

You cover ground quickly at 40 mph, but not so fast you miss the scenery

You can test this theory on Minnetonka Boulevard, Energy Park Drive, and the 40 mph segments of Highway 95.

Eureka!

Friends, the quest has ended. The great wikipedia has found the male equivalent of nymphomaniac:

nymphomania (female) = satyriasis (male) = psychological disorder characterized by an overactive libido and an obsession with sex

Rest assured, they are no longer listed in the DSM-IV, seemingly replaced by the more politically correct and official-sounding:

hypersexuality = impairing need for frequent genital stimulation that, when achieved, does not result in long term emotional or sexual satisfaction

I also learned the definition of stock option from wikipedia this week. (I obviously had a general idea but it occurred to me I didn't fully understand the mechanics.) But there's nothing sexy about stock so I won't bore you with it here.

Week in pictures

On Monday, my colon had a photo shoot.








Over the next 2 days, I spent approximately 30 hours at work--mostly in the middle of the night and mostly sitting in this room.





Today the governor signed one of my bills, while vowing to veto the other.



Just now, Jackson puked up a stomach-full of kibble and then stood there looking rather proud of himself. I'll leave that one to your imagination.

Poop stories

In honor of my colonoscopy on Monday, I will share today's crop of poop stories.

(1) Several people brought their children to work today. It's a good time to visit budgetland because there's all sorts of interesting stuff going on. One little girl (4ish?) got to accompany her dad to a briefing at the governor's office for one of his policy advisers. For most of the meeting she colored quietly in the corner, but shortly before the end she started whispering, "psst....Daddy!" Each time, he asked her to wait quietly just a few more minutes. Undaunted, she eventually shouted as loud as she could, "But Daddy, I have to POOP right now!" She had good timing, though, because on the way out they ran into the governor and took a picture with him.

(2) While walking into Walgreens this afternoon to purchase NuLYTELY (nasty liquid that empties your intestines), I saw a bumper sticker that read, "I'm driving fast because I have to POOP!" I am not shitting you (hah!)--and I immediately thought how appropriate that sticker would be for several of my friends.

(3) And finally, today's Strib has a front page story titled, "Restroom law would help open the doors in a hurry." While I was watching the House floor debate on the smoking ban, apparently the Senate was working to ensure that bowel disease sufferers have guaranteed access to employee-only bathrooms. Thanks, guys--two bills in one day that would dramatically improve my quality of life. That might make up for stealing my evenings and weekends...or not.

Relationship development: pet names

So, my man is leaving for three weeks to drink beer in Germany (with some side trips to historical landmarks). I miss him already, and he hasn't even left yet--so here is a post he will enjoy.

He refers to everyone by nicknames--Playasaurus, Hummer, Poor Little Feller, etc. My nickname is Abber Dabber (which is someone else's fault). You'll note how unromantic this name is, especially because it reminds him of 'yabba dabba doo.' Some very unproductive time spent at work recently yielded this (emphasis and color are his):

Abber….Meet the Abber

She’s a modern state employee

From the town of St. Paul

She’s a page right out of history

Someday, maybe Abber wins the fight

And that bill will not get passed tonight

When you’re with the Abber,

Have an abber dabber doo time,

A dabber doo time,

we’ll have a dabber doo old time!

I am lazy (an homage to America)

I had an ambitious plan to go running through Como Park tonight--partly to check out a sign for condos that doesn't appear to be attached to any actual condos. I tried driving to the mysterious condos yesterday but found myself on a dead-end dirt alley (with no condos). So perhaps they can only be approached on foot? Or more likely, they do not exist and that sign was put there to mess with my head. But I digress...

As you might expect from the title, I did not carry out this ambitious plan. Instead, I came home, sat on my couch, and ordered a pizza for delivery. I even placed the order online using my credit card so I didn't have to get off the couch to search for my phone or to see how much cash is in my wallet (it's handy to have your credit card number memorized). Now I plan to watch Gilmore Girls and Pussycat Dolls: Search for the New Doll.

Nerd moment: On the Road

I have recently discovered a great piece of Americana--or whatever the Minnesota equivalent is--Minnecana? It is a show called On the Road, which profiles strange and unique things around Minnesota. Last week it featured "amazing kids," including a kindergarten boy who welds, an elementary school girl who drag races, and (my personal favorite) vacuum boy.

But the best part about the show is the weekly contest. You know you live in Minnesota when you can compete in something like this:

"Where's Hitch?" Each week we slip a shot of Jason's sidekick, Hitch, the 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS On the Road toad, into one story. If you can tell us correctly in which story he appeared (aside from the usual mention of the contest), you can enter our weekly e-mail contest for one of five 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS On the Road souvenirs. The winners will be drawn at random from the pool of correct e-mail answers received from our online e-mail form.

Tell me all about it

I swear there's one of those electronic billboards on my forehead. For women it says, "Tell me all about it, I care." For men it it scrolls to, "If you're a little bit odd, and tend to strike out with the ladies, then give me a shot."

Two examples from this week:

(1) I took my car in for an oil change at the usual place, where the two managers are always very good to me and like to chat me up. It must have been a long week or something, because they were even friendlier than usual. The senior manager (male) basically asked me out for happy hour, and the junior manager (female) recounted Anna Nicole Smith’s entire life story in painstaking detail. Needless to say I declined the invitation (although he’s “taking a rain check” and will “hold me to it”). For the A.N. Smith marathon I did a lot of smiling and nodding after earnest statements like “oh, she was always really crazy" and "it wasn't a real overdose because she had been taking those pills for awhile!"

(2) While stuck in a stairwell with several hundred other state employees during a tornado drill, I got to talking with one of the IT guys. We talk fairly often because we have some overlapping projects, but it took a somewhat strange turn when he related the tornado drill situation to his favorite movie and then the next day loaned me his (illegally burned) copy of said movie. The budget ladies believe he is single and making a move--similar to when he asked one of the other ladies to go on a bike ride. I haven't watched the movie or returned it. Mostly I'm avoiding the situation.

Spring is in the air...

...and kitty love is in full bloom. Jackson knows 'tis the season to find a mate. This year he is focusing his attention on the fake plant in my upstairs bathroom. Not the fake plant by the TV, and certainly not the fake plant in the downstairs bathroom. Oh, no, this one special little yellow-and-green baby has got his number.

Unfortunately, yellow fake plant does not return Jackson's affection. You can sense his growing frustration as the thrice-daily (or more) lovefests with the plant become more frenzied. He nuzzles the plant with his furry cheek, and showers her with sandpaper kisses, but still she does not break her stony (or, rather, cotton/polyester) silence!

(Seriously, he is not eating the fake plant, or even playing with it in any normal cat way. He truly seems to be making sweet love to this object.)

Good luck?

In honor of Maggie's new blog, I will recount our recent IM conversation.

Maggie: good luck sleeping

Abby: i am the only one i know who needs to be wished good luck

Abby: in regards to sleeping

Maggie: yeah, well

Welcome to the blogosphere Mags!
~

Nerd moment: history walking tours

Tonight after happy hour at Pizza Luce, Anne and I took a walk around Seward. In so doing, we discovered the Milwaukee Avenue Historic District. As if there wasn't already enough to love about Seward, it also contains this absolutely gorgeous 3 block long pedestrian mall with immaculately restored row houses. This pic stolen from the Minnesota Historical Society doesn't really do it justice so you'll have to take a look for yourself. According to MHS this is the earliest example of a planned workers' colony in the city. A Gather.com post explains the neighborhood was built before 1900 by the Milwaukee Railroad, and was nearly torn down in the 1970s, but residents and architecture buffs restored the area so it could be added to the National Register of Historic Places.

As for the nerd moment portion of this post, while digging for information on Milwaukee Avenue I found a website for summer walking tours hosted by the Minneapolis Heritage Preservation Commission. Looks like they run several a month starting in May. So, who's going a-walking with me this summer?

I mean, who has time for underhanded plots nowadays?

I am generally suspicious of conspiracy theories. I just find it hard to believe a true conspiracy can be pulled off—people in power must be too busy with their real jobs to manage the details of a complicated ruse, technology makes it nearly impossible to hide transactions (whether written, spoken, or financial), and the press (while not what they used to be) are still digging up whatever dirt they can.

So I’m having trouble with the brouhaha surrounding Rachel Paulose, the new U.S. attorney in Minnesota. If you follow the Strib/McClatchy logic, former U.S. Attorney Tom Heffelfinger saw the writing on the wall and resigned before a wave of firings, prompting AG Gonzales and the Justice Dept. Cronies (great name for a band no?) to appoint Ms. Paulose his replacement (although this was somewhat botched), and her management style, lack of qualification, and affiliations indicate that she is part of a larger plot to steal the 2008 election.

But I have to believe that as wrong-headed as their politics might be, the Bush puppets appointees at the U.S. Justice Department cannot be as stupid as recent events make them appear. More importantly, I cannot believe that Karl Rove is using these morons as pawns in a multi-front assault on the integrity of state management of federal elections so he can swing the vote in 2008.

What troubles me about the Paulose fiasco is this: if the Strib is getting even a fraction of the story right (and let's be honest, that could be generous to the Strib), it would seem that some kind of conspiracy is at work.

What the #$%@ is up with the USPS?

In honor of Anne's return to American soil, I had Chipotle for dinner today (sorry, man, I tried calling before I went). My local purveyor of burrito perfection is at the corner of Grand and Victoria. The trip gave me another opportunity to observe one of the stranger sights in St. Paul: a USPS mailbox painted like R2D2. Since this corner is also home to other budget ladies' fav lunch venues (Cafe Latte, Bread and Chocolate), I've had several chances to notice and be stymied by the box.

Tonight I finally decided to get to the bottom of this. I figured I'd go to the USPS website and dig around for awhile until I found the particular Star Wars-themed page that was mentioned on the box. Uh, no need to dig. Check this out: http://www.usps.com/. Does anyone else find it odd that they're tying ads for a supposedly futuristic movie series to the ultimate in outdated communication technology? Come on, George Lucas, you can do better than that.

NOT smarter than a 5th grader

I don’t need Fox to tell me that I’ve lost ground since 5^th grade. Kids intuitively know:

1. Working too hard = bad
2. Running around = good

But me, well, I have to be hit over the head by it every once in awhile to remember. Since the people who suck the life out of me are on spring break, I actually had the opportunity (read: got off my lazy ass) to visit Bally’s for the first time in a good long awhile. I never feel good while actually jumping up and down like a moron on a plastic plank, but that first step out into the fresh air after working out is just perfection. It’s really too bad you have to do the whole jumping around part to get the moment of perfection. Perhaps that’s why we invented illicit drugs. Not being much of a recreational user, I’m stuck with my plastic plank.